It’s not about the tank top


We live in Iowa. There are no major sports teams in Iowa, instead, we have the Iowa Hawkeyes.  Every year, my husband and I get together with a group of friends and tailgate the first home game of the season.

The tradition has gone on for several years.  When we first began, we only knew one other couple, and it has gone on long enough that we are now friends with just about everyone involved.  We laugh, we play games, we have a great time.  Plus, there’s football.

That game takes place today.

Since September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month, the game is a Gold Game, meaning fans are encouraged to wear gold Hawkeye gear as opposed to black (which will come into play at a blackout game later).

I decided that I was going to wear a gold tank top, then set about to find one.  I checked all local retailers, I searched online, I called around to various places all with no luck.

I could find a gold tee-shirt, gold sweatshirts, black tanks, and so on.  Every combination available except the one I wanted in my size and that would arrive at my house on time.

I called one last place and was able to locate one.  It is not the exact style I had in mind, and it cost more than I intended, but I finally found one, and my gracious husband accompanied me to pick it up.

A lady in my office asked me the simple question, “Why not just wear a t-shirt?”

I couldn’t put into words why the simple answer was not sitting with me.  It would make more sense, it would definitely be easier and certainly cost less.

As I thought about it, I realized it was all about my weight loss journey.

Prior to beginning my journey, I would never even imagine wearing a tank top in public.  ¾ length sleeves, longer short sleeves, baggy men’s shirts were the way to go.  I was incredibly uncomfortable any other way, though truth be told I was still not incredibly comfortable, just better covered up.

Somewhere along the journey, I have found a new level of comfort.

I still do not look like a centerfold, and no one is asking me to be an “Angel” anytime soon, but I am comfortable in my skin.  Even with having a ways to go still.

I mentioned to my husband my thought on this, that wearing the tank top is more than supporting the team, it is about how I feel, in my skin, and in the group pictures that are certain to take place.

I feel confident now, in a way that I did not before.  I feel attractive, in a new manner.  I have been adding tank tops into my regular off work wardrobe, and feeling pretty good about myself when I wear them.

We bought the overpriced tank top.  I will be wearing it in group pictures, non-toned arms, and weight still to lose.  In comparison to last year’s group photos, hopefully, the difference will be visible to others, though even if it is not, I can feel the difference in myself.

Today we will “Be Bold – Wear Gold” which is a pretty good motto for how I am feeling on the inside as well.

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