Stay in the fight


I recently heard someone say that one of the problems with modern day couples, and relationships in general, is that people have lost the ability to stay in the fight.

When I first heard the term, I thought to myself, “That sounds just awful!”  Especially in light of the fact that I recently learned the concept of Leave Tuesday in Tuesday, and am still struggling to fully embrace that concept.

As it was explained further to me, it made so much sense.

Imagine you are having a disagreement with your partner about something.  The issue could be as simple as some housework that needs/needed to be completed, or one of the many, many more complex issues that arise in marriage.

When the conversation begins, both parties are aware of what the topic is, in this case, we will say the dishes.

Both parties are talking about the dishes.  Then party A gets their feelings hurt and brings up the laundry.  Party B answers back with a comment about vacuuming.

The discussion snowballs.  Now the conversation includes comments about who pulls their weight the most, who is lazy, various work ethics, and even how someone was raised.

Comments are made.  Jabs (verbal) are thrown.  Feelings are hurt.  Damage is done.

The couple may take quite some time to fully recover from the incident if they ever do.

Words, once spoken, cannot be easily forgotten.

This is how I was used to arguments going.  This is what I thought was normal.

Wound or be wounded.

What happens if you stay in the fight?  What happens if both parties ONLY talk about the dishes.  When party A gets their feelings hurt, they express, “That hurt my feelings.”  Party B, who loves party A, would reevaluate what they had just said.  The topic would remain on the dishes.

What would our relationships look like if we conducted our disagreements as such?

Discussions over an issue would remain on the issue.  There would be less name calling, less insulting, less hurt.

Imagine the examples we would be providing our kids.

I wonder how many disagreements could be settled if we talked only about the dishes, came up with a plan, and then moved on?

If your relationship matters, stay in the fight.

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