Arguing and disagreeing is a part of life and a part of every relationship. As much as we would like to avoid it, and pretend that it does not exist, we cannot.
It has been my experience that some arguments, disagreements, altercations, and discussions seem to have no end. They are the topics that have no resolution, but as long as the hurt lingers, the topic keeps resurfacing. Unfortunately, as they resurface, the hurt is made fresh again, creating a cycle of pain and stress.
For so many people, that is what relationships become. The comfort and safety that they felt at the beginning are replaced by anxiety and stress.
I am getting married in 3 days. As excited as I am, I am equally stressed with the lists of tasks that I must complete between now and then. I am also fully aware that as long as that day comes and we have him, me, and the license, it will all work out.
Yesterday issues arose that are completely not wedding related. They are real-life issues, because life does not stop just because we have plans.
Yesterday was Tuesday, and we were short with each other. We talked about topics that were tough to discuss. We did not “fight” as I am accustomed to, but I could feel that familiar anxiety creep into my stomach. Though my fiancé is amazing and has never given me reason for pause, I still find myself waiting for the other shoe to fall. Old habits die hard.
At the end of the day, I started to broach one of the topics of the day. He looked at me and said, “We have already talked about it. Nothing new will be said, so we don’t need to talk about it anymore.”
That stopped me where I was. This has NEVER been my experience. While I picked my jaw up off the floor, he went on to say, “Today was Tuesday, and Tuesday was really just crap. Tomorrow is Wednesday, and Wednesday is a new day. Let’s just leave Tuesday where it is and move on to Wednesday.”
He really is the best, and I certainly don’t deserve him.
Walking into my second marriage at the age of 38, bringing with me 4 kids, and years of baggage, I certainly do not feel qualified to hand out relationship advice very often.
If I did, that would be it, “Leave Tuesday where it is.”
So simple and clear. We do not need to keep the cycle of hurt and stress going. Once all the words are said, we can just leave them and move on.
It does not mean that all of the hurt and feelings disappear about the issue, but it does mean that they will have a chance to heal without being drug to the surface over and over.
I sure do love this man I am marrying in just over 3 days. He is walking wisdom and grace.