One of the most therapeutic events that happen on a regular basis for me is the feature that allows me to look back at previous postings on various forms of social media.  Some of the comments I find in the past can be embarrassing.  Some are entertaining.  While others allow me to take a moment of self-reflection, to see where I have come from, and compare previous portions of my journey through life to my current one.

In 2012-2013, I went through the process of a divorce with my children’s father, and the man I had been married to for fourteen years.

I compare the process of the divorce to that of childbirth.  Looking back from the other side, I logically remember that they WAS pain, but I cannot remember exactly WHAT that pain was.  I often wonder how the me that I have become would handle the struggles that the other version of me handled on a regular basis.

I came across these two posts, a day apart from each other.  The sentiment that is expressed about that situation, is the same sentiment that I feel myself expressing towards other situations in life.

I choose joy.  I choose peace.  I choose not to let anger and negativism take over my mind and my heart.

January 7, 2013

I have recently received the advice of several trusted friends. The common theme seems to be that I need to “get mad, and stay mad”
I don’t really know how I feel about that.
Scripture tells me to be not afraid. It tells me to be still and know. It tells me to turn the other cheek. It tells me to take these things and ponder them in my heart.
I know the goal of the advice is to not allow myself undo hurt.
I’ve tried on angry. I didn’t like the way it fit.
So I will keep thinking.

January 8, 2013

Webster defines anger as: a feeling of displeasure and hostility that a person has because of being injured, mistreated, opposed, etc.
Bitter: Sharp and unpleasant taste, … Resentful and cynical.
After much thought and many fabulous comments, I can admit this, I am angry, I am so very angry that sometimes I can’t think. I am flat out pissed off.
But I don’t act on it.
I don’t hold it close.
I feel the anger, I call a few chosen, you happy chosen few, and I let it out. I cry, I swear, in general, I throw a fit.
Then I put it down. I guess that is where the confusion on my part came from, because I know some people who can’t, or won’t put it down. And they are bitter, generally unpleasant people to be around. So in my head, being told to be angry was equal to be bitter, and that, I am happy to say, is not me.
Don’t you feel better knowing I am pissed off, and still happy?
You may continue your day now that my emotions have been properly documented.

…

We have a choice in this life.  We don’t always get to choose what life hands us.  But we do get to choose what we carry around with us.

❤